From one to two

Before we met I wondered if I could love another as much as I loved my first, if I could split my heart in two.

And no matter how many people told me, I could never have prepared for how much it would grow, or how much I would learn from you.

My second child,

I learnt that my heart could sing, the first time you laid eyes on each other, the first time you held hands.

I learnt that I could spread myself further than I ever imagined I could, and the ache from the stretch was worth it.

I learnt to slow down, I wasn’t in such a hurry to store away your clothes. Maybe that onesie could last a little longer, I may never buy that size again.

I learnt to lean into my intuition, I found myself so much through those harder days, and I think I grew the most too.

I learnt that even though I felt divided, I was enough. Sometimes we’d become a mass of tangled cuddles on the kitchen floor and I realised, this is how some days would be and we’d muddle through together.

I learnt that my style of parenting was whatever worked for us. It can be hard being so needed all the time, but it’s also a privilege. Because one day you won’t need me like this, and I’ll never know when that day will be.

I learnt that even though I’d done this once before, it was like learning to walk all over again, a new chapter, a new language, a whole new person. we both were growing and learning from each other.

I learnt to be still. Those things can wait, they really can. Because your firsts are probably my lasts.

And on the days I feel defeated, I think of the day I met you, somewhere between the earth and the stars, just after I said I couldn’t.

You remind me every day that I can.

You both do.

Not a new Mum, but a new Mum of two.

Author: Jess Urlichs

Jess is a writer, mother of 2, and lover of 90’s hip hop. You can find her on Instagram here.

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