Questions not answers

This is for the mother, newer or older, caught up in the noise and opinions of others.

The mother who feels the external pressures or puts too much pressure on herself to be perfect.

The mother who may not see clearly right now or see anything other than the “shoulds”.

The mother who may need to be asked questions, not barraged with answers.

This is for that mother.

For you, for her, for whoever needs space to see things differently, consider decisions quietly and in her own time.


What would your motherhood look like if you listened to your heart more and other’s voices less?

Would there be less doubting and more trusting?

Would there be less stress and more enjoyment?

Would there be less everyone else and more you?

No really, what would it mean?

Would it mean more happiness?

More confidence in your parenting?

More “I’ve got this” generally?


And what would your motherhood look like if you celebrated your wins more and lessened your inner critic?

Would there be less negativity and more positivity?

Would there be less tension and more excitement?

Would there be less funks and more motivation?

No really, what would it mean?

Would it mean better role modelling?

Would it mean better sleep?

Would it mean better mothering?


And what would your motherhood look like if you gave yourself the grace you tell others to give themselves?

Would there be less pain and more gain?

Would there be less backwards and more forwards?

Would there be less unrealistic and more human?

No really, what would that look like?

Would it mean better health?

Would it mean better spent energy?

Would it mean better days with them?


And what would your motherhood look like if you forgave yourself as easily as your children forgive you?

Would there be less timeouts for yourself and more quality time with them?

Would there be less lows and more highs?

Would there be less tears and more smiles?

No really, what would it mean?

Would it mean more now?

Would it mean more cherishing?

Would it mean more of what matters?


And what would your motherhood look like if you truly believed that every single day you are doing your best with what you know at the time and the tools you have available to you?

Would there be less self-doubt and more pride?

Would there be less guilt and more joy?

Would there be less worry and more leaning in?

No really, what would it mean?


Only you know the answers to these questions,

If you want to answer them.

But you don’t have to.

You never have to.

Because you don’t owe anyone an answer or an explanation about how you mother or why, or what or when you do the things you decide to do.

You are answering to your children every single day and that’s all that matters.


But perhaps you needed to be asked what you want for once.

Perhaps you just wanted to hear questions that make you feel good, not answers that make you feel inadequate.

Perhaps you just needed to be reminded to stop and to see how great of a job you are doing.

Because you are.

Don’t ever question it.


Read next: Learning to mother myself

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