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Present moments, future memories



Take yourself into the future.

Twenty or so years from now.

When your children are no longer in your home, only in your heart, memories and infrequent visits.

When everything is quiet, clean and organised most of the time.

When you can do things on your own watch.

When rooms are empty and toys aren’t found under sofa cushions.

When standing at your kitchen bench is relaxing.

When things take half as long.

When you can finish what you start.

When the photo frames on the wall of all of your togetherness are finally hung.

When you can leave the house in five minutes or less.

When you can be on time.

When there is a point in tidying.

When the dining room table isn’t covered in washing.

When you can finally sleep.

When you can eat a warm meal.

When coffee is an indulgence, not a lifeline.

When you can hear yourself think.

When all the things you sometimes miss right now will be back.

When time for you will be back.

When the “you” in you will be back.

And when this happens you will feel more relaxed again.

Things will feel less heavy, rushed, and relentless.

You will be able to breathe deep again.

But what about everything else that comes with the future?

What about the changes you will never be prepared for that leave you feeling a little empty?

What about the years ahead which will make you miss the years past?

When you are no longer smothered in unconditional love.

When you no longer hear the pitter patter of little feet down the hallway.

When you no longer see their firsts, or lasts.

When you no longer have the power to make them calm with a touch, a smile, or a kiss.

When you no longer have arms full of happiness.

When you no longer have the best reason to be tired.

When you no longer get to witness the wonder or the joy of them growing into themselves and the world beneath their feet.

When you no longer have the privilege of having them right there, always.

When all you can do is wait for them to visit, or call, or send you a message.

When the time right now comes to an end and cannot be restarted.

When these moments cannot be relived.

When your present moments of holding onto them will eventually be a collection of memories you can only hold onto.

And you know this.

We all know this.

But sometimes it can be forgotten in all the

hard.

Particularly in all the hard.

So Mama, if you are having a hard day today,  or moments of hard, remember this:

This is as hard as it seems.

You are not imagining things.

Your feelings are valid.

And sometimes it can be easy to search for the future days.

To long for tomorrow, not now.

To see the frames, not the full picture.

But just like time, this day, this hour, this moment, shall pass.

And before long you will be 20 years from now.

In your future, wishing you were back where you are now.

So hold on tight Mama.

To them, and to time.

Because you will let go of the hard eventually.

But the easiest love that comes with it?

There won’t ever be enough time for that.


Read next: Lifeline

Motherhood is really hard, Mumli isn’t.

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